How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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