you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
