matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
