at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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