I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
