I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
