I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
