Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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