i barfeds in our rink
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
