we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
