I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
