hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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