i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
worst night to have a conscience
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
