Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
