All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
