During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
