your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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