I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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