does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
