I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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