After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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