just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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