I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
