She's JV to your varsity
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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