so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
