eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
