you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
