Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
