I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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