I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
