Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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