glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
