My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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