you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
high people should be assigned attendants
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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