Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
