WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
