It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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