Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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