Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
