I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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