Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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