People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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