Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
