A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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