just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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