I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
