I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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