dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
