dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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