So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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