ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
