I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
