Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
