i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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