My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
