then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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