I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
