if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
