You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
