also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize