I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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