I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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