You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
