It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
