i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
